Especially when the darkness tells you otherwise.Īs long as you have breathe in your lungs you have hope. It is merely a promise that if you believe and tell yourself that better things will come then you will begin to see better things.īut you must believe and continue to remind yourself of your hope of better days. This post is not some get better instantly promise. For multitudes of people it is the realest thing in their life.
It is not just something you will grow out of, if you’re lucky. It is not just a mood you carry with you. Why couldn’t I just lift myself out of this hole? If it was that simple depression could be cured overnight.ĭepression is a multi faceted struggle. The funny thing is, the same way I took pride in my darkness I also carried great guilt from it. I didn’t recognize myself in so many ways. I had allowed it to turn me into a monster. But my depression was not beautiful and it is not glamorous. I still believe that those who have seen the depths of sorrow find beautiful things that grow in that lightless cavern. Like I was more deep and understanding for carrying such a heavy weight for so many years. I snapped at those closest to me and every word that came out of my mouth was venom.Īt times, I’ve almost taken pride in my depression. I’m not talking about being in a short season of depression or just feeling blue. Thank God I was unsuccessful!Įven though I continued to live physically my spirit was dead. I tried to take my life several times in my early twenties. Once from a voluntary Baker Act and and the other time from an involuntary one stemming from a failed suicide attempt. How did I even get there? The lasting impression of depression The darkness has much to teach and in time it can lead us back into the light. But it doesn’t have to be a never-ending or fruitless endeavor. Sadly, most of us go through seasons in the darkness. You can’t always choose to live in the light. That’s just how strong of a negative vibe I was putting off into the universe. After I googled palpable I realized she was telling me it was so close you could almost taste it. I had someone tell me last year that my bitterness was palpable. I’ve gone through long seasons of life letting my darkness consume me. Rather I know it so intimately because I’ve been lost in my own darkness for years at a time. I don’t see the beauty in it because of the fact that I’ve never known the darkness. All the joy and peace it can bring to my heart. I appreciate the light and all that it offers.
Photo by Ivana Cajina on Unsplash Darkness to Light
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